PHILIPPINES TRIP JOURNAL

Philippines Trip Journal
by harold Nesmith Brown
Weather from North, East, West or even South. . . .

1. Let’s try to visit and accommodate those captivating and adventurous places in the Philippines, Connecting with the beautiful, unrevealed, Virgin and hidden places of the country. The Philippines is an island of nature who is propagate in living with a beautiful beaches, seafood, pearls, and being hospitable people said country. Residing in any part of the Philippines will fully adjust your typical day to day activity.

 LUZON Part

LAOAG

JUST RELAX

With the paoay Sand Dunes as the Hotel’s and the legendary Paoay Lake and Malacanang of the North just a short walk away. Plaza del Norte Hotel and Convention Center gives you a genuine sense of rustic and historic Ilocos. Tel: +63 7767088190

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

The Nuesva Era Eco Cultural Village is the newest destination in Ilocos Norte. Experience an interesting mix of cordillera and lowland Ilocos at this enchanting mountain resort. Follow in the footstep of Ferdinand Marcos via the Marcos Heritage Trail.

TASTE THESE

La Preciosa ( Rizal St) is the true haven of Ilocano cuisine. Make sure to try the Bagnet with KBL, poqui-poqui and inabraw. For dessert, try the carrot cake it’s a sweet revelation! Johnny Moon Cafe’s ( La Tabacalera Ilocano Lifestyle Center ) Ilocano-fusion menu is a must-try as well. If you’re heading south, be sure to try the Vigan Longganisa as well as the famous Ilocos Empanada.

WHERE TO SHOP

Take home local Fabric. The best authentic abel Iloco Fabric is sold at Nagbacalan Loomweaver’s Cooperative, a few meters from the Paoay Lake Viewdeck. You can buy towels, blankets and more.

AREA CODE: 77

TOUCH DOWN: Laoag International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Sirib Bus (Free shuttle service to downtown Laoag)

DID YOU KNOW: “laoag derives from the Ilocano term “lawag”, which means light. Historical accounts say Laoag had clear skies, which was most likely why it got the name.

CAUAYAN

Stay at Hotel Andres (Don Jose Canciller Ave, Cauayan, Isabela;

www.thehotellandrea.net). Taste some local fare like the Sisig and Spare Ribs at Kusina Kawayan  Restaurant, or grab some Goto and serkele at ALing Luring’s. For those with big appetites, Kabayan’s Grill offers bottomless Lugaw (Congee).

AREA CODE: 78

TOUCH DOWN: Cauayan Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Van, Bus, or Tricycle

TUGUEGARAO

You can’t leave Tuguegarao without trying its famous pancit batil patung. The best I’ve tried are the versions dished out by J-rens Panciteria (on Tuguegarao Diversion Road 2) and Jomar’s Panciteria (Near Buntun Bridge). For pasalubong, get some chicharabao and milk candy at lighthouse Cooperative (39 Luna St, Cnr of Taft St.).

AREA CODE: 78

TOUCH DOWN: Tuguegarao Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle, or Taxi

manila

Visit Museo Pambata (www.museopambata.org), the first and only children’s museum in Manila! Take the kids so they can learn while playing in a completely hands-on museum that is housed in a historical, century-old building. Stay in comfort at H20 HOTEL (www.hotelh20.com) of Manila Hotel (www.manila-hotel.com.ph).

AREA CODE: 45

TOUCH DOWN: Clark International (Diosdado Macapagal) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Bus or Jeepney

Clark

Experience the thrill of wake-boarding at Deca Wake Park. You can rent boards and basic gear there. Stay at The Holiday Inn. There are country villas that really put you in that vacation mood. It’s also home to a Mequeni buffet with authentic Kapampangan dishes. Mimosa Leisure Estate, Mimosa Dr, Clark Filed; Tel: 63 2 845 1888

AREA CODE: 45

TOUCH DOWN: Clark International (Diosdado Macapagal) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Bus or Jeepney

Legazpi

Go on an all-terrain vehicle ride at the foot of Mayon Volcano and check out the hardened lava flows. After that, fill up with 1st Colonial Grill’s tinutungang Manok (Chicken stewed in coconut cream) paired with tinapa rice (Rice with smoke fish). For pasalubong, buy some pili nuts at the Albay Pili Nut Candy Shop.

AREA CODE 52

TOUCH DOWN: Legazpi Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi

Naga

Be sure to try DJC Halo-halo (Westpark Leisure Hub, Magsaysay Ave).

For something savory, head to Red Platter (Magsaysay Ave) and try the seafood Kare-Kare, pinangat and Bicol Express. If you have the time, check out the Camsur Watersports Complex, which is just a 20-minute drive from Naga City

AREA CODE: 54

TOUCH DOWN: Naga Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, Hotel Transfer

Virac

Surfing the majestic waves of Puraran is something you shouldn’t miss when in Virac. If you have the time, trek Balacay Point and get a

a magnificent view of the Pacific Ocean or enjoy downhill long boarding. Fill up at Cafe de Au (Salvacion, Virac; tel: +63 939 158 1749). Try their binalot meals and their version of nachos.

AREA CODE: 52

TOUCH DOWN: Virac Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle, Hotel Service

Puerto princesa

JUST RELAX

Stay at Puerto Pension.35 Malvar St, Puerto Princesa City; tel: +63 48 4332969, www.puertopension.com or if you’re a Cheap Traveller you could try Puerto Apartments. Brgy Sta. Monica Puerto Princesa, 5300 Philippines:

Tel: +4799880948 or +63 919 668 8654, puertoapartments@gmail.com .

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Go on, on a 5 days and 4 nights with a City Tours, El Nido, Underground River, Firefly Watching and Honda Bay. You can book one from all hotels, Visit the crocodiles and if you’re up for it, try eating one sisig style at the Palawan Crocodile Farm. The romantic evening firefly bay cruise is

also worth doing while you’re in town.

TASTE THESE

Go to Bay walk for the evening atmosphere,good values seafood and grills too many to name. Head to Bona’s Chaolong fo Vietnamese noodles and Itoy’s for good coffee, or you could try to go to Bakers hill for a delightful pasalubong foods ( Hopia Ube with oil Pork, Casoy Nuts, or even Crinkles) .

AREA CODE: 48

TOUCH DOWN: Puerto Princesa Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle or Multicab

DID YOU KNOW??

Puerto Princesa, also known as “The city in a Forest”, is home to natural wonders like the Subterranean River, which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the New 7 wonders of Nature. Puerto Princesa has been named as Philippines’ cleanest and greenest city.

Busuanga

Trek at Mount Kayang and plunge into the cool water of the lake. It’s one of the cleanest in the country-80% freshwater and 20% saltwater. Visit the Twin Lagoon, too.

AREA CODE: 48

TOUCH DOWN: Francisco B. Reyes (Coron) Airport

GET INTO TOWN: Van

San jose

Have a fun and relaxing time at Grace Island Resort. You can try zip line, check out the mini zoo or explore the bike trail. And at day’s end , stay in one of the resort’s floating nipa huts.

AREA CODE: 43

TOUCH DOWN: San Jose Airport

GET INTO TOWN: Tricycle

Visayas part

Iloilo

TASTE THESE

Try the classic La Paz Batchoy at Deco’s and the incomparable coffee at Madge Cafe` ( Traditionally brewed using a culador!), Both located at La Pa Public Market. Have drool-worthy saefood at Breakthrough (Villa Beach, Iloilo City).

TAKE IN SIGHTS

Drive around and explore Nelly Garden on E. Lopez St, Iloilo City; and Casa Mariquit on Sta. Isabel St and Lizares Mansion on MacArthur Drive, both in Jaro.

AREA CODE: 33

TOUCH DOWN: Iloilo International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi or Bus

DID YOU KNOW??

• The San Jose Church is Home to the image of the Nuestra Senora Del Rosario, which was discovered during the Dutch siege of Iloilo in 1614.

Bacolod

Don’t miss The Arts District and The Ruins in Talisay. Also, make sure you get to try Bacolods chicken inasal. The most sought-after is the one from Chicken House (24th Lacson St). For pasalubong shopping, head to Negros Showroom, which is located at Central City Walk, Robinson’s Bacolod and at Lourdes Building on Lacson Street.

AREA CODE: 34

TOUCH DOWN: Bacolod-Silay Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi or Van

Caticlan

Swim, play and hang out at Boracay’s Station 1 or Station 2, but if it gets too croweded, go on a boat ride to the quieter Puka Beach. You’ll

never go hungry in Boracay as there are plenty of choices, including popular restaurants such as Gerry’s Grill, Shakey’s and Mang Inasal.

AREA CODE: 36

TOUCH DOWN: Godofredo P. Ramos (Caticlan) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle to Caticlan Jetty port then boat ride to Boracay Island

Kalibo

Pasalubong shopping is easy in Kalibo. Visit the Handicraft of Aklan

Multi-Purpose Cooperative (HAMPCO) for pina cloth, abaca, shawls, bags and other native products. It’s located at 402 Old Buswang. Check out the Kalibo Public Market for barquillos, caramel tarts, pastel, biscocho and other pastries.

AREA CODE: 36

TOUCH DOWN: Kalibo International Airport

GET INTO  TOWN via: Taxi, Bus, Van, and Tricycle

Roxas

Go to Talon Adventure Park & Resort at Brgy Talon. Try out the zip line, go biking or ride an ATV. Check out the beach mini zoo and garden, too. If you have the time, visit L.A. Beach Resort at Sitio Marangkalan, Basiao, Ivisan, Capiz, go Island-hopping for as little as 40 per person.

AREA CODE: 36

TOUCH DOWN: Roxas Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Jeepney, Taxi or Tricycle

Cebu

JUST RELAX

Enjoy the convenience of staying at Quest Hotel. Located on Archbishop Reyes Ave, it’s right across from Ayala Center and a public transport terminal.

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Go to Tops Lookout in Mount Busay and take in spectacular views of the city. Be brave and try the Edge Coaster Ride and Skywalk at the Crown Regency Hotel and Tower ( Fuente Towers, Fuente Osmena Blvd). If you have the time, visit the municipality of Argao south of Cebu. Explored the town proper then make your way to Mahayahay Beach and go skimboarding!

TASTE THESE

Go to the Original AA BBQ (Quezon National Highway, Pusok, Lapu-Lapu City; with branches around the city). Pick your meat and have it

charcoal-grilled in the spot. For yummy desserts, try Butter + Love (Raintree Mall, 528 General Maxilom Ave, Ramos). At Ayala Center, try Canvas Bistro and Bar Gallery. The staff is friendly and the food is good. It’s perfect for a business lunch, a Family dinner or a night out with friends.

WHERE TO SHOP

Drop by the little souvenir shops in Carbon for handmade trinkets, shirts and accessories. Taboan Market is still the best place to buy danggit, dried sweet squid or dried mangoes.

AREA CODE: 32

TOUCH DOWN: Mactan-Cebu International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, multicab, or Van

DID YOU KNOW??

Cebu City is the oldest city in the Philippines. Its home to the  country’s oldest street (Colon), oldest fort (Fort San Pedro) and oldest university (University of San Carlos).

Dumaguete

 

JUST RELAX

Bethel Guesthouse is a convention hotel that offer’s clean, air-conditioned rooms. It’s only 15 minutes from the airport and is close to restaurant and tourist spots. Make sure to request a room facing the sea for a view of the sunrise. Rizal Blvd;

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Dumaguete is a city that’s ideal for log walks and a visit would not be complete without taking an unhurried stroll along Rizal Boulevard. It’s a great place to hang out while waiting for the sunrise or sunset. At night, vendors set up tables and chairs by the sidewalk and sell barbecue and other street food favourites. Outdoorsy types can take a side trip to Casaroro Falls in the town of Valencia, 9.4km from the City center, or embark on the three-day hike to Mount Talinis.

AREA CODE: 35

TOUCH DOWN: Dumaguete (Sibulan) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, Multicab, or Tricycle

DID YOU KNOW??

Dumaguete is known as a university town. Its home to four Major universities: Foundation University, Negros Oriental State University, St.Paul University Dumaguete and Siliman University, the Oldest American-founded University in Asia.  

TAGBILARAN

Relax on the serene beaches of Panglao Island, which is just a 15 to 30-minute drive from Tagbilaran City.

AREA CODE: 38

TOUCH DOWN: Tagbilaran Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle or Van

Mindanao part

Dipolog

TASTE THESE

CLS is a Filipino-Chinese restaurant that serves all-time Dipolog favourites like pork Humba and paklay in cozy alfresco setting that encourages guests to linger. New CLS Food Plaza Magsaysay St

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Take a morning stroll of go jogging on Dipolog City Boulevard and feel the cool ocean breezes. Spend some “me” time at Chapters, which is located on the boulevard. Just hang out, have coffee or read a book.

WHERE TO SHOP

Get native and locally made souvenir items at Boholana, which is located on General Luna Street. Or you can visit the Dipolog Pasalubong Center on Rizal Avenue for the famous Montano sardines.

AREA CODE: 65

TOUCH DOWN: Dipolog Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Tricycle or Taxi

DID YOU KNOW??

Dipolog has six coastal areas where fishing and fish processing are major industries, Owning to the fact that the province produces a majority of the bottles sardines sold and consumed nationwide, it has even earned the moniker “bottled sardines capital of the Philippines”.

Zamboanga

Purchase some first-class malong and batik at Barter Trade Center,

Canelar and Yakan Village in Upper Calarian.

AREA CODE: 62

TOUCH DOWN: Zamboanga International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, Tricycle or Jeepney

ozamiz

JUST RELAX

Plaza Beatriz Hotel provides clean accommodation at affordable rates.Port Rd, Ozamiz.

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Spend the morning walking or jogging along the boulevard at PanguilBay. Stop by the Immaculate Conception Cathedral, which houses the only bamboo organ in Mindanao. Head to Cotta Shrine where you’ll find the miraculous Birhen sa cotta. Visit Bukagan Hill. Check out the bell tower and enjoy the views.

TASTE THESE

At night, check out Nanay Bebies barbecue (Brgy Carmen Annex) and try her grilled offerings. Head to Gats Bar (Don Anselmo Bernad Ave) and get a taste of its famous sisig.

AREA CODE:88

TOUCH DOWN: Ozamiz (Labo) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Motorcab

DID YOU KNOW??

Ozamiz City was named after Jose Ozamiz- the first governor of the province of Misamis Occidental. He became a senator of the Philippines in 1941 and worked with the resistance movement during the Japanese occupation.

Pagadian

• Try Big J’s Grill House on Datoc Street and choose from a selection of marinated meats, grilled on the spot.

 AREA CODE: 62

TOUCH DOWN: Pagadian Domestic Airport

GET INTO TOWN: Tricycle, Hotel shuttle

Davao

JUST RELAX

Stay at Marco Polo Davao Hotel if you’re a expendable person, or even Royal Mandaya Hotel, or if you want easy going to town you could choose Grand Regal Hotel Davao, or the newly My Hotel along San Pedro Street, by then you could stay in Water Front Hotel Davao if you want it’[s nearer from the beaches of Samal Island. All hotels are at the heart of city.

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Get close to nature and visit Eden Nature Park & Resort or Go to the

the First Ever People’s Park. Go white-water rafting on the Davao River- you’ll get free tickets to the Zipline, the zorb ball and the Crocodile Park. Pay a visit to the Eagles at the Philippine Eagle Nature Center; Learn the history of Davao at the Davao Museum and D’bone Museum or even the Japanese Tunnel; and Finally, stop by the

Buddhist Temple. Or you could try to go to Maxima Aqua Adventure , Swimming,snorkelling, Banana boat and whole lot more, or even Island Hopping to Five

Destination.

TASTE THESE

Try Backyard Burger (88 Quimpo Blvd, besides Lechonero’s) which

offers the biggest burgers in town. They’re moist and tasty. For dessert, try these Pomelo Lemon Pie at Osvaldo’s Cakes in Paseo de Legazpi. Try to go to Marina Tuna Davao and taste the Fresh Tuna Sushi and Sinugbang Panga and even Seafood grilled at Lanang Davao City.

WHERE TO SHOP

It’s a good time to shop DAVAO because it’s THE BIG DAVAO FUN SALE, the Philippines First city-wide shopping festival. Until April 16, shoppers enjoy up to 80% off on a wide range of products and services, SM City Lanang, SM City Ecoland, Gaisano Malls, Robinsons Cybergate, NCCC Mall and Abreeza Mall are participating. Visit www.facebook.com/bigdavaofunsale for updates.

AREA CODE: 82

TOUCH DOWN: Davao International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, Jeepney, or Bus

DID YOU KNOW??

• Aldevinco is Davao’s first shopping center. The 8,370m² commercial complex was inaugurated in January 1965.
•  

Cotabato

See the largest mosque in the Philippines, Grand Mosque, in Brgy

Kalanganan, and visit Sultan Kudarat’s monument at Tanatawan Park.

AREA CODE: 64

TOUCH DOWN: Awang (Cotabato) Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Jeepney, motorcycle, or Tricycle

General Santos

Visit Sarangani Highlands to get a breathtaking views of Gensan. Purok

Wal, Tambler.

AREA CODE: 83

TOUCH DOWN: General Santos International Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi or Multicab

Tawi.tawi

Don’t miss the breathtaking view of Bongao Island via Bud Bongao peak,

then enjoy Malaysia food at the Malaysian Restaurant (Awwal St, Bongao).

AREA CODE: 68

TOUCH DOWN: Sanga-Sanga Airport

GET INTO TOWN: Tricycle

Camuguin

Enjoy the white-sand beaches of white Island and Mantigue Island Nature Park. Aside from the usual swimming and sunbathing, explore the rich marine life. This is considered one of the best dive spots in the country. Stay at Bahay Bakasyunan sa Camiguin.

AREA CODE: 88

TOUCH DOWN: Camuguin Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Multicab or Van

Cagayan de oro

Chub’d Diner (Corrales Ave) has the best burger and all-day breakfast

platters, which come complete with bottomless Rocky Mountain brewed coffee. Have a nice dinner at Panagatan Seafood Restaurant on Opol Highway. For pasalubong, best in the country! Try Oro Ham, Pine Ham or Slers.

AREA CODE: 88

TOUCH DOWN: Laguindingan Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi, Express Shuttle

SURIGAO

JUST RELAX

Stay at Le Chard Place Bed & Breakfast. It’s just beside Gaisano Mall.

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Surigao offers a lot of options for nature lovers and adventurous travellers. Enjoy activities like island hopping, snorkelling, trekking, spelunking and game fishing. You shouldn’t miss the chance to visit Beunavista Cave and Silop Cave. It’s best to go on a guided sightseeing tour to maximize

your time. Go to Mabua Pebble Beach and watch the sun set or make a trip to the Day-Asan Floating villages, also known as Surigao’s little venice.

TASTA THESE

Don’t miss the chicken barbecue at the Same Place Grill House in the

Port Area. Also, sample the grilled saang (Spider shell) and sinuglaw at Island Seafood Restaurant at the Provincial Sports Complex on Rizal Street. When you’re in Mabua, drop by Marbie’s near Rose Beach and try sayonsong (a delicacy made with ground purple sticky rice) At night, hang out at J-Spot Bar beside Tavern Hotel (Surigao City Blvd).

WHERE TO SHOP

There are plenty of shops at Gaisano Surigao. For souvenirs, check out the products at surigao’s Best (Provincial Sports Complex, Rizal st.)

AREA CODE: 86

TOUCH DOWN: Surigao Airport

GET INTO TOWN via: multicab or tricycle

DID YOU KNOW??

Silop Caves is a system of six caves located 9.7km from Surigao City. To

get there, you can take a habal-habal from Surigao City Public Market. Once you get to Brgy Silop, stop by the town hall and ask for a guide.

Butuan

JUST RELAX

Stay at Almount Inland Resort Hotel. JC Aquino ave.

TAKE IN THE SIGHTS

Visit the Centennial Tree, the oldest tree in the Philippines. It’s a 500

year-old Bitaog tree in Magallanes, Agusan del Norte. Stop by the Butuan National Museum where you’ll see the balangay or Butuan boats as well as items. Excavated  from the region. If you have the time, go island-hopping in Britania and see the Hinatuan Enchanted River  and Tinuy-an Falls in Bislig.

WHERE TO SHOP

Check out Madyaw Kadyaw souvenir shop for pasalubong items and Margie’s Kitchen for sweet treats. For your basic needs, head to Robinson Mall.

AREA CODE: 85

TOUCH DOWN: Bancasi Airpot

GET INTO TOWN via: Taxi or Shuttle

DID YOU KNOW??

Probably the most iconic symbol of Butuan is the traditional balangay

boat, which is a large, wooden plank-built and edge-pegged vessel constructed by using an ancient South-East Asian boat-building method. Get a look at one at the Balangay Shrine Museum in Ambangan, Libertad, which is just 5km east of the city proper.

Siargao

Go to Malinao Mangrove and try stand up paddle boarding or kayaking. It’s the next best thing to surfing on Cloud 9!

AREA CODE: 86

TOUCH DOWN: Sayak Airport

GET INTO TOWN via shuttle van

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“WHAT RAPE DID TO MY SEX LIFE”

     “WHAT RAPE DID TO MY SEX LIFE”

An innocent night out with friends turned into a devastating tragedy that this 25-year-old reader will never forget. But, reading this blog really made you firmed, attentive and more efficient in making self-awareness to each in every one, said this female happened to her life since she was being rape and how it was being reflect to her. Get this story from her. As she emailed and elaborate those stories behind the miserable things that happened to her life to Harold-nesmith.blogspot.com.

It happened in April 2004, when I was 18 years old. I was sitting in the garden at a friend pool party, talking to a guy I’d meet through a mutual friend. He was 19 and athletic type cropped hair, in great shape and was flirting with me pretty heavily. But, I had a single set on another guy at the time, so in spite of how cute he was, I wasn’t really interested.

When I hot up to go to the bathroom inside the house, he followed me. Since the guest bathroom was in use. I went instead to the bathroom on the second floor. We talked for a few minutes in the hallway, then all of a sudden, he grabbed me and started to kiss me. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I didn’t fight him or scream. But as he began getting more aggressive, it was clear that he wanted things to progress.

“Um, I want to go back outside now,” I told him, pushing back.

“No,” he said, bluntly. “   I want to have sex,” I felt my stomach drop.

I tried to get up, but he learned over, forced me on my back, and helped me down by my arms. Once I was pinned, he flipped up my skirt, pulled my panties to the side and started raping me. As he overpowered me, I was in such total shock that I couldn’t fight back. Worse, I knew no one could see or hear us because everyone was outside, with the music on full blast.

The whole thing lasted about five minutes, and when it was over, I got up and hurried back to the pool area, leaving him sitting on the stairs. He emerged about 20 minutes later but he walked past me without stopping. I didn’t breathe a word of what happened to anyone. I just sat there with my friends in a daze until we left. 

GETTING GRILLED

I choked down the memory for about three months. But one day, I couldn’t swallow it anymore. I was talking to my girlfriends (who weren’t at the party that night) about sex and STD’s and suddenly out everything came. They urged me to tell the police, and one accompanied me to the nearest precinct to help me report it.

When I spoke to the police, I wasn’t very cooperative. They threatened to tell my parents what had happened if I didn’t talk about it (I told my mom after that, but my dad still doesn’t know), and they interview me in the dark room with a spotlight beaming onto my face. They were unsympathetic and impatient as they coldly asked me his name, what happened, and tons of others graphic, intimate details about the night. I felt more like a criminal than a victim.

I knew only his first name and the school he went to ---- I hadn’t asked my friends for his last name since I wanted to keep them in the dark about everything and avoid a potential rift between us. My friends showed me a yearbook of the guys school and asked me if any of the guys with his did, so I told my friend---and the police---never heard from the police again, and my friends agreed to just drop it.

THE AFTERMATH

The rape left me feeling  pretty confirmed about sex, I’d slept with one guy before it happened, and sex was really new and exciting for me them. But after being raped, I just didn’t feel the same. My excitement dulled, and everything seemed tainted. I started feeling like when a guy was interested in me, it was solely on a physical level---that he couldn’t possibly want anything else other than just sex.

After it happened, I found myself rushing into sexual situations. On weekends, I would go to party, meet a

guy who was a friend of a friend, and end up going home with him. Most guys turned out to be one-night stands; others fizzled out after several hook-ups. Part of me knew that what I was doing was reckless, although I think that was part of the appeal, at least in the moment. I wanted to be apathetic and rebellious. Plus, since I thought that sex was all guys wanted from a girl, it was thrilling to give that to them.

Deep down, though, I was ashamed of having sex with people I barely knew. I was well aware that there was a gap between what I wanted (a boyfriend) and what I was getting (less-than-intimate sex), so while I enjoyed it physically and liked pleasing men, I also felt sadness, loneliness, fear, and embarrassment.

12 Things No one Told me about sex after RAPE...

There is a strange sort of unspoken theory that once a woman has been raped, sex is no longer a viable option for her. Sex has been replaced by trauma, fear, pain, and anxiety. I’m not saying this is never the case. Every survivor’s story and experience is different, but too often the assumption is that if you have been raped, you are sexually broken and forever unfixable. That sort of discourse is not healthy or empowering or even sympathetic. What I want to say is what I wish I had been told: rape is not a form of sex, it is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatizing. It is possible for sex to exist after rape because they are different experiences, just like it’s possible for you to still enjoy going out to eat even if you got food poisoning once. You might never go back to that restaurant again, but it doesn’t mean you will get food poisoning every time you go out.

1. Nobody tells you that you’ll feel guilty the first time you have a crush on a guy after your rape. Aren’t you supposed to hate men now? I mean, ugh, penises are evil and one ruined your life. You shouldn’t even be thinking about boys. That’s what got you in trouble in the first place. (Oh, hey rape culture, how’d you get here?)

2. Nobody tells you that you’ll be called a tease when you draw the line at making out. Even though you’re pretty proud of yourself for this minor victory on your path to regaining any confidence in expressing your sexuality, some people will think you’re a prude because you won’t take off your pants.

3. Nobody tells you that the first time you do take off your pants in front of a potential partner you’ll cry almost immediately and put them back on, leaving without an explanation. You’ll feel embarrassed and stupid and you’ll wonder if you’re ever going to be capable of intimacy ever again.

4. Nobody tells you that masturbation is a healing practice (OK, maybe your therapist suggested it once or twice) and that realizing you’re capable of sexual satisfaction after rape is an incredible, powerful feeling. Sometimes it takes a while to feel wholly reunited with your body in this way, and you’re allowed to take all the time you need. Sexual exploration is a journey, not a destination.

5. Nobody tells you that your PTSD symptoms will be scoffed at. Your boundaries will be called “arbitrary” and you will be accused of “wielding sex as a weapon” and “putting yourself on a pedestal.” Someone should tell you that people who say these things are the worst type of people to be around. They have no right to make you feel ashamed, but they will. If they have the potential to get angry about the choices you make about what you do with your body, they are not worth your time or energy or thought or love. But nobody tells you that.

6. Nobody tells you that the ‘rape talk’ will be a thing that has to happen before any romantic relationship gets too serious. Nobody lets you know that immature men will freak out and refer to your rape as “baggage” when they cut things off. And unfortunately, nobody mentions that some men will hold your hand and weep with you when you tell them, because they can’t believe anyone would be capable of hurting you.

7. Nobody tells you that there are men who are patient and kind. Some men will listen and support you and they will read and research and seek to understand. They will ask you what you like and what you don’t like, they will be explicit about their concerns, and they will treat you with respect and dignity.

8. Nobody tells you that the first few times you try sex again it might not go well. You might have a panic attack or a flashback, and you might scream or shake or cry or throw up or all of the above. What they should tell you is that the right partner will stroke your back or make you tea or hold your hair back for you. He’ll leave if he’s asked and he’ll keep his phone on him so you can talk if you need to.

9. Nobody tells you that the first time you successfully, enjoyably have sex again is empowering, and freeing, and overwhelming. Even if it only lasts two minutes, it will feel like an enormous victory. You will be happy in a way you weren’t sure you would be happy again.

10. Nobody tells you that it doesn’t work that way every time. PTSD isn’t cured by one blissful experience, and anxiety is a bitch. Sometimes you will burrow down deep in your comforter and wish you could just be NORMAL and have NORMAL sex like a NORMAL person. And it is frustrating. But you will remember that one bad experience does not negate your ability to have future good experiences. And you will drink your tea and feel better.

11. Nobody tells you that people are capable of loving you after you’ve been raped, and that you are capable of loving back. You are allowed to give yourself to someone completely. Likewise, you are allowed to hold back. You are allowed to be fearful but you are also allowed to trust again. Your healing process is your own and regardless of how you get there, know that as long as you are taking care of yourself, nobody has any right to tell you differently.

12. Nobody tells you that just because he’s the first boy you slept with since your rape doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with him. You don’t “owe” anyone else your love or happiness or body. You can be thankful and appreciative and comfortable, but if he’s not “the one,” don’t settle just because he treated you better than your rapist.

You’re going to have good days and bad days. You’re going to have good sex and bad sex. But you’re still alive, and I just thought maybe someone should tell you.

LINKAGE 

www.Harold-nesmith.blogspot.com

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Flcker.com.ph

haroldnesmith@gmail.com.ph

https://www.facebook.com/harold.nesmith

Cosmopolitan.com